Ah! Shinigami sama
by panatlantic
Summary: n_nU a crossover (i couldn't help myself)
1. Default Chapter

*^_^* it's a crossover na no da! (because I felt like it dammit!) or is it just an AU? I dunno. AND again panatlantic exhibits extreme stupidity in crossing with a series unfamiliar)  
  
**** * * * ** * * * * ** * * *  
  
IT was one of those days.  
  
Watari was begging to have someone assigned for him to test his latest gender-changing potion on (obviously in the mistaken belief that EnMaCho in anyway supported his obsession) and Tsuzuki was whining for attention after having broken his latest partner. This was of course in addition to Tatsumi's usual, not-inconsiderable workload.  
  
Hmmm.  
  
If 003 would excuse the expression, perhaps he would be able to kill two birds with one stone.  
  
. . .and thus a gender changing cinnabon found it's way unto the desk of one Tsuzuki Asato. It lived a short, albeit cherished, existence.  
  
Now Tatsumi had only to put up with a (mercifully) satisfied scientist, and a puppy that could whine two octaves higher. To say the least, he was not all that satisfied with the trade-off. This was illustrated by the large number of twitchy things on his forehead.  
  
"Tatsumi?" Asked Kanoe cautiously, perhaps a little afraid to approach as all the shadows in the room had found form and were currently choking two of his other employee's on the far wall (one of which seemed to be having gender issues).  
  
"Yes Kachou?" Replied Tatsumi, the very picture of civility.  
  
"Erm. . ." Kanoe nervously shuffled a few pages in his hands. "I've had a request from the Western division for anyone we can spare to deal with an emergency . . . but. . . I can see you're busy, I'll just. . . " Kanoe apprehensively backed up toward his office.  
  
"Excellent!" Remarked Tatsumi clasping his hands in appreciation of this new fortuitous circumstance. "I have just the volunteers!"  
  
Watari and Tsuzuki looked at each other wide-eyed (although possibly this was as a result of near strangulation, which regardless of your state of living, hurts like heck).  
  
~~~~~~~~~ ~ ~~~~~ ~ ~~~ ~ ~~~~~ ~ ~~~ ~ ~~~~~ ~ ~~~ ~ ~~~~~ ~ ~~~ ~ ~~~~~ ~ ~  
  
"Moshi moshi. Goddess Relief Office. Please hold."  
  
Tsuzuki, with the ease of eight straight hours practice, expertly placed the call on the switchboard to wait for someone who knew what they were doing to pick up.  
  
"Well." Remarked Watari sitting at the opposite desk.  
  
"Hnn." Contended Tsuzuki.  
  
This was . . . exceptionally boring. Some kind of shikigami-like bug-thing had manifested in Yggdrasil which Watari had explained to Tsuzuki who couldn't really figure out anything at all except it was somewhat like Tenkuu . . . but not. He sighed morosely, putting another call on hold. Tsuzuki looked over to Watari who looked back with equally poor humor.  
  
"At least I don't look like Rikugou." He muttered darkly after Watari felt obliged to point out Tsuzuki's temporary contract manifest made him resemble Hello Kitty.  
  
Believe it or not, this wasn't exactly the glorious mission they had expected it to be.  
  
"I'll make something special to put in his coffee as soon as this is all over." Watari promised his male-again co-conspirator. He didn't have to clarify who 'he' was. Tatsumi had happily sacrificed his most intelligent and most powerful shinigami to help the ailing department, why Watari and Tsuzuki had even blushed at the compliment when Tatsumi signed them over.  
  
Tsuzuki nodded conspiratorially as Watari answered another call.  
  
"Hai! Goddess Relief Office, ple. . ." Watari stared at the phone, momentarily stunned. "He hung up!" He accused the phone and Tsuzuki at the same time.  
  
"Eh? He can't do that! . . . Can he?" Asked Tsuzuki.  
  
"I don't know!" Screamed Watari frantic.  
  
"Call him back then!" Suggested Tsuzuki, and Watari did so.  
  
"He's not answering! What if he's hurt himself or he's in danger or something?" Watari and Tsuzuki looked around frenzied, but the department was empty save for themselves. A small part of him wondered who was going to answer all those held calls.  
  
"Well. Uhm. I guess you could go check. I guess?"  
  
". . . " Watari frowned. They hadn't really received instructions on this sort of thing. It made sense, he supposed. "You'll have to do it!" He declared.  
  
"Huuuuh? Why me? It was your call!"  
  
"Baka! You're a second class goddess and I'm only a third." Sniffed Watari disdainfully.  
  
"You think I might have to grant a wish?" Squealed Tsuzuki eagerly.  
  
"I guess. . . if it's only something small, it couldn't hurt." Watari shrugged.  
  
Tsuzuki nodded resolutely and teleported down to Chijou.  
  
~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~  
  
Hisoka glared at the person that suddenly came to be in front of him. Curious that, because on one hand he was alone just moments before and on the second . . . well he didn't need a second, people just didn't appear like that was all. So he asked the first thing that came to his mind.  
  
"Are you a burglar?"  
  
"What?!? No!" Denied Tsuzuki.  
  
"Then how'd you get in down here?"  
  
"Uhm. Are you Kurosaki Hisoka?" Asked Tsuzuki nervously, avoiding the question.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Ah! You're okay!" Squealed Tsuzuki glomping the boy. "Uh. . . you get a wish 'n stuff!" Tsuzuki wilted under Hisoka's skeptical glare.  
  
"Oh. So that would make you my fairy godmother. There's no ball tonight though, you must have got your dates wrong."  
  
Tsuzuki sweatdropped.  
  
"No! I'm a goddess!" He corrected. Hisoka looked over the hysterical man with oddly coloured eyes and decided it must be drugs. He'd read about these kinds of people. Better not to get involved.  
  
"Well steal whatever you want, just leave before someone finds you here." He remarked casually sitting on the bed of his cell.  
  
"No wait! Didn't you make a phone call earlier?" He asked confuzzled, looking around the sparse room. "Hey? Are you a prisoner here or something?"  
  
". . . I didn't make any calls today!" Snapped Hisoka, he had accidentally knocked the phone off the hook earlier when the maid had let him out to walk, but that could hardly be considered making a call.  
  
"Ah! That must be it! I must be here to rescue you!" Cheered Tsuzuki at his own leap in logic. "Lets go!"  
  
Hisoka was stunned. But then again, anywhere had to be better than here, especially since his parents had brought around that doctor. . . there was just something about the man that scared him. So without bothering to wonder where he was going to go or what to do when he got there, with his last shred of trust, he took the pro-offered hand.  
  
"So! Where's the exit?" Asked his 'savior'.  
  
"Baka!" Accused Hisoka, "You're supposed to be rescuing me!"  
  
"Saa . . . "  
  
"If I could just leave don't you think I would have by now?"  
  
"That. . . would be a logical conclusion." Conceded Tsuzuki melancholy. "Aha!" He cheered. "You can use your wish!" Brilliant! Surely Tsuzuki could get away with just using his regular shinigami abilities to help him escape! No mess! No fuss! Mission accomplished!  
  
Tsuzuki really wished his patron would stop looking at him as though he were insane.  
  
"Suuuure. . . what I really wish is that . . ."  
  
"Kurosaki-sama?" Called the maid, causing Hisoka to hesitate mid-pummel, there was only one reason why the maid would be down here this late at night.  
  
"Gak! I don't think anyone else is really supposed to know I'm here!" Squealed Tsuzuki, who had already confirmed with himself that he'd be in a world of trouble back at the Relief Office . . . sure it'd seemed like a good idea at the time. . . but. . . well if he was going down, he'd take Watari with him dammit!  
  
"Kurosaki-sama, the doctor is here to see you."  
  
Hisoka shivered at the confirmation of his worst fear. Tsuzuki meanwhile was sneaking off to find somewhere to hide.  
  
"You can't leave me alone!" He begged.  
  
"Huh?" Queried Tsuzuki, clutching his cheeks, and the markings there, which were growing steadily florescent. "No! No!" He cried pathetically as the room was enveloped in white light.  
  
"Wish granted." 


	2. 2

When that ominous voice over finished proclaiming 'Tsuzuki you are in it so deep' Which the rest of us may have heard as 'Wish granted', Tsuzuki did the first thing that came to his fear addled brain and panicked. Grabbing the startled boy (that incidentally gave a rather undignified squeak) he decided the best thing to do;  
  
A.. get the hell out of here, and  
  
B.. blame Watari.  
  
Regardless of how perfect or flawed this plan was, adrenaline left no room for argument.  
  
. . .and so it was, with no more assistance than the element of surprise, Tsuzuki with the less than ecstatic Hisoka under one arm, plowed through the maid and doctor and eventually (stopping twice to get directions from Hisoka as the Kurosaki domicile was larger and more complex than anticipated) escaped into the night.  
  
Arriving at a phone booth he looked at Hisoka beseechingly.  
  
"What?" Asked Hisoka acerbically. "Don't look at me! I don't have any money!"  
  
~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~  
  
Approximately 0.001 seconds after Tsuzuki had teleported to Chijou, Watari had gotten one of those I-have-a-very-very-bad-feeling-about-this feelings that usually heralded the apocalyptic (but localized) disasters that Tsuzuki was famous for. Hence his state of agitation, yet not wholly surprised demeanor when he received a reverse charges call from the harbinger.  
  
"What did you do this time?" Sighed Watari into the receiver.  
  
". . ."  
  
"Yes. Yes. It's all my fault. But what did YOU do?"  
  
". . . !"  
  
"Oh."  
  
". . . ! ! !"  
  
"Ah."  
  
"! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !"  
  
"Hot damn!"  
  
". . . v_vU"  
  
"Okay Tsuzuki, just calm down. Tsuzuki, do you know what 'abduction' means?"  
  
". . ."  
  
"That's right Tsuzuki. Kidnapping."  
  
". . . !"  
  
"Yes. They will put you in jail and throw away the key. You need to get your client to make his wish . . . "  
  
". . . O_O#"  
  
"YES ONLY ONE!"  
  
". . . v_vU"  
  
"What do you mean 'he already did'? What did he wish for?"  
  
~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~ ~~ ~ ~~ ~~  
  
"'Soka-chan?" Asked Tsuzuki, all smiles at the pajama clad teen that was currently freezing his butt off. "Do you happen to remember exactly what you wished for? Ne?"  
  
Unfortunately 'Soka-chan didn't. This wasn't exactly as dramatic a saga as his brain had promised his daring escape would be, and as such it refused to be involved in the rest of the nights events.  
  
"No Watari! He doesn't!" Tsuzuki redirected his attention to the telephone, resuming hysterical-mode.  
  
". . ."  
  
"Okay. Okay. Yes." Tsuzuki looked skyward, trying to memorize the things Watari was telling him. "I'll do it!" He declared with gumption.  
  
". . . v_vU"  
  
"WA-TA-RIIII! It's not like I choose to cause trouble." Snorted Tsuzuki into the phone, hanging up with a hurt look (lost on the not-physically- present Watari, and not-mentally-present Hisoka).  
  
"Ne, Hisoka?" Managed Tsuzuki trying to make himself sound both calm and in control of the situation. "Uh. . . my. . . er . . . Megami-friend says we should find somewhere to stay and he says he will figure out what to do, ne? Ne?" Tsuzuki accentuated each 'ne' with a poke but the boy was unresponsive.  
  
This wasn't good. Tsuzuki's company card had a 30000Y limit (curse you Tatsumi!) and he'd been relying on Hisoka to have somewhere for them to stay. In retrospect that wasn't such a good thing to assume since the boy obviously had familial problems (he was after all being held hostage in his own home and stuff).  
  
"Hu~~~uh." Muttered Tsuzuki aloud to himself. "I suppose I could take you to Meifu. . . doesn't that sound like fun, 'Soka-chan?" Beamed Tsuzuki.  
  
MEIFU: (n) hades; realm of the dead; sheol  
  
Somewhere deep inside his mind, Hisoka shivered.  
  
~*~ *~* ~*~ *~* ~*~ *~* ~*~ *~* ~*~ *~* ~*~ *~* ~*~ *~* ~*~ *~* ~*~ *~* ~*~ *~* ~*~ *~* ~*~  
  
Brushing himself off he looked to the maid who seemed horrified that her charge had escaped, but otherwise had no idea as to what she had just seen. She excused herself duly, presumably to go alert the rest of the household. He spared little thought for the manic woman (other than being thankful he had allowed her to take his coat - white coats and dusty cell floors and all that that implied).  
  
Muraki Kazutaka had expected to see many things that night. A purple-eyed shinigami with Megami markings and a cute ass carrying off his favorite play-pretty wasn't one of them.  
  
Curiouser and curiouser.  
  
He himself knew enough about such things to recognize a contract (and the flash of light and booming voice etc had been quite the indicator to boot).  
  
How. . . exciting! 


	3. 3

Gyeh. It was Tatsumi.  
  
"Ohayo Tatsumi-san!" Chirped Tsuzuki opening the door just a hairline to talk to his colleague.  
  
"Tsuzuki . . . ?"  
  
"What brings you here. So early." Tsuzuki voice wavered a little in panic.  
  
Tatsumi peered through the door curiously. Actually it was Watari's admonishment that everything was just fine fine fine FINE that had clued him off that something was not as it should be. Tsuzuki's current behavior was no denial.  
  
The phone started ringing. Ah. That would be Watari calling to let Tsuzuki know Tatsumi was onto them.  
  
"Tsuzuki-san. The phone's ringing."  
  
"Uhn." Agreed Tsuzuki still keeping eye contact through the door crack.  
  
"You should let me in and answer it." Obviously Tsuzuki couldn't think of a good enough reason not to, because he obliged (albeit irritably).  
  
". . . "  
  
"Yes, Watari, I know. Yes he's here right now. I'll call back later." He mumbled into the phone, keeping a suspicious watch on Tatsumi, who had taken note of the two bowls of cereal set out on the kitchen table. Shortly there was a thump from the bedroom.  
  
"What was that?" Asked Tatsumi, rising to go check  
  
"What was what?" Asked Tsuzuki, wide-eyed and innocent.  
  
Thump.  
  
"Oh . . . . THAT. That's just . . . Touda." Answered Tsuzuki shortly, with a dismissive wave of his hand.  
  
"Tsuzuki-san, why is Touda in your bedroom."  
  
"He's helping me move furniture . . ."  
  
Tatsumi was not easily swayed. He knew every piece of furniture Tsuzuki possessed (and it's current resale value) and none of it required the aid of a shikigami to move.  
  
". . . and then he's going to join me for breakfast?" Tried Tsuzuki seeing Tatsumi's eyes linger over the kitchen table.  
  
"Tsuzuki. . . do you have someone in your bedroom?" Asked Tatsumi in shock. The whole setup was not unfamiliar event wise, why less than a month ago something similar had happened when Tsuzuki bought home a puppy from Chijou, and then it had been Suzaku was helping him clean his shower. A week before a stray cat on the premise Daion was fixing his plumbing. So naturally Tatsumi was suspicious . . . but in those circumstances he'd never gone so far as to set the table for them.  
  
Hearing another thump from the bedroom Tsuzuki began to panic.  
  
"I'LL JUST GO SEE IF HE NEEDS ANY HELP!" He cried jumping up and sprinting to the bedroom, and locking the door behind him mere seconds before Tatsumi made a grab for the handle. Catching his breath he caught site of Hisoka who was folding the futon.  
  
"Hisoka." Stated Tsuzuki, calming himself. The boy looked up. "I may have . . . I don't think . . . We are . . . " Tsuzuki rubbed his chin thoughtfully, trying to come up with a calm way of saying, 'Ohhh? Didn't I explain? I was only temping as a megami . . . I'm really a SHINIgami. Yes! A god of death! So no one can know you're here until I sort this all out. Now go hide in the wardrobe while I summon a nasty snake man to cover my butt!' "I'll explain later! Hide!" He managed.  
  
Satisfied, Tsuzuki flung the door open . . . and Tatsumi locked eyes with Touda who was reclined on Tsuzuki's futon reading manga. The favor was going to cost Tsuzuki dearly.  
  
"Touda." Acknowledged Tatsumi with a nod. The shikigami looked from Tatsumi to Tsuzuki, to the wardrobe, to Tatsumi, and finally to Tsuzuki again. At Tsuzuki's mimed encouragement he nodded in return, before flipping to the next page.  
  
Tatsumi was moderately surprised. While Touda was in fact not in anyway involved in rearranging the sparse furnishings, he was indeed present. Why, if he were any other person he might have even apologized to Tsuzuki for presuming. . . whatever it was he had presumed.  
  
"Okay! You've said 'hi'. Let's go to work! Work work work!" Or not. Tsuzuki was never enthusiastic about work, much less getting there on time, or Enma forbid, early.  
  
Tsuzuki meanwhile was making wild gestures behind Tatsumi's back aimed at Touda. This was not highly effective, since;  
  
A.. Touda sucked at charades; and;  
  
B.. Tsuzuki was not known as the worst mime in Tenkuu for nothing  
  
Hence Touda interpreted it somewhat as;  
  
There is a large rat in my closet.  
  
Kill it in the bathroom.  
  
Eat the telephone.  
  
Fortunately, Touda, deciding this sounded far too much like menial labor for a shikigami of his caliber ignored the requests and went back to his manga, while Tsuzuki dragged the recalcitrant Tatsumi toward the front door.  
  
"Tsuzuki!" He protested weakly. "What about your breakfast?"  
  
"Nnnn. . . " Tsuzuki looked regretfully at the sugary goodness (with extra artificial colours, flavors and preservatives) that was his morning ritual before managing to force out, "Not . . . hun . . . gry."  
  
Tatsumi looked horrified. He allowed himself to be pulled out of Tsuzuki's apartment with no further protest. 


	4. four

Tsuzuki had an odd feeling in the pit of his stomach.  
  
At first he thought this was just the result of having skipped the days most important meal, additionally taking in to account he hadn't eaten anything since those cookies he'd aquistioned (stolen) from the Kurosaki kitchen (he'd been aiming for the front entrance, but Hisoka meant the OTHER left and. . . well anyway. . . they'd escaped).  
  
This presumption was proved wrong after the feeling didn't go away when he ate Terazuma's lunch (well . . . it HAD just been sitting there in the tea room. . . it's not like anyone would know it was him, right?). However, having never experienced missing a meal in his (approximately) 75 years of death before, Tsuzuki was not to know that consuming food generally reduced hunger pangs.  
  
Therefore he came to the logical conclusion he was starving. To death (again).  
  
"Soooo hungry. . . "He weeped. Tatsumi was unmoved.  
  
That was a lie. Tatsumi was very moved, just in the exact opposite direction Tsuzuki had intended. Unfortunately (for both parties involved) Tsuzuki mistook Tatsumi's sweatdrop of biblical proportions for tears of sympathy, and continued to wail in lament in the mistaken belief that Tatsumi's black little heart had been turned to his plight.  
  
"Tsuzuki-san, how did your last assignment go?"  
  
Tsuzuki scowled (temporarily distracted, as was Tatsumi's intent). He was very tempted to gloat about how Watari had plans to experiment on Tatsumi - something experimental of the cute 'n fluffy 'n incredibly susceptible to harm kind. But that would kind of give the game away. Not to mention the assignment had become a lot less boring after he 'accidentally' kidnapped that kid he was hiding in his apartment.  
  
Oh yes. Besides the call which he'd had to cut short earlier, he hadn't managed to speak to Watari since last night.  
  
"But I don't feel well." Sniffle. "I need to go see Watari!" Chirp! "Ja ne!"  
  
***~~~***~~~***~~~***  
  
His first day of freedom. Swapping a cell for a wardrobe. Brilliant Hisoka.  
  
Having listened at the door for some time, he determined no one was there. He couldn't hear any breathing or sounds at least. He pushed the sliding door open a fraction to peer into the room.  
  
The occupant of the futon looked up at the slight noise, and dismissed it promptly.  
  
Okay, there was someone there after all. The man in black had obviously seen him but didn't really seem to care. Hisoka hoped he was friends with the purple-eyed guy. Or maybe he shouldn't hope that, this was all just getting too, too weird.  
  
Garnering what courage he could he slid the door open a bit more. In truth his courage was fueled by his need to use the facilities. Ah. That door on the far side of the room looked promising. Now just to get past the weird guy.  
  
"Who're you?" He asked suspiciously. Okay, perhaps he could have been a little less demanding - but he was, after all, Kurosaki Hisoka, heir to the Kurosaki fortune and surely even weird snake-guys respected that. Touda glared in response. At least it felt like he was glaring. . . hard to tell since he was wearing a visor thing - but Hisoka's money was on 'glare', and Hisoka was after all the master of glares.  
  
Touda flipped a page of his tankoubon meaningfully. Translation : 'I'm reading - shoo'. Hisoka knew it well. He'd used it many times himself to get rid of the more persistent household servants. He had no idea how effective it really was until this very moment in time, so made a mental note to use it more often when he got back.  
  
When he got back.  
  
If he got back?  
  
Did he want to get back? Well damn, while you're at it, 'Where am I?' Was as good as any.  
  
Meifu was what the purple-eyed guy had said. Did that mean he was dead? Or just being held captive by a weirdo? Both? All he needed now was a white rabbit to make the setting complete. Of course that bought back memories of THAT man. Bad. And the horrified look on his face last night. Good.  
  
Having relieved himself he started exploring the apartment. The snake-guy didn't seem to mind. One bedroom. Bathroom. Kitchen. Lounge. Unlocked frontdoor.  
  
Hello.  
  
Well that did kind of negate the whole idea of being kidnapped.  
  
Going out into the passage he didn't know what to think, but quickly settled for confusion. The place was deserted. In fact reaching out he couldn't detect more than a few people in the immediate area. Even growing up in Kyoto there'd always been a few dozen people on the edges of his awareness.  
  
Perhaps they were all at work? The building was abandoned?  
  
Where those Sakura blooming? At this time of year? Next to the DIET building?  
  
Life had just gotten a whole bunch weirder.  
  
*** *** *** *** *** *** ***  
  
"Calm down Tsuzuki!" Interrupted Watari. "Where did you leave him? The boy?"  
  
"I didn't know what else to do!" Bawled Tsuzuki. "He's at my apartment!"  
  
"You bought him to Meifu?!?" Screamed Watari, "You left him there alone?" Watari couldn't help wondering what the poor kid was thinking. After all it wasn't everyday one was taken from ones home (in the middle of the night no less) by a . . . 'person of questionable origin' to be deposited in the land of the dead. Heck, even the few people that did experience that were dead first.  
  
"Not exactly." Ah Tsuzuki had more intelligence than he gave him credit for. "I left him with Touda!" Sweatdrop.  
  
"Touda!" Screamed Watari. "What were you thinking?"  
  
"Ano . . . well Tatsumi was coming and I needed an excuse and. . . and. . . I needed someone who wouldn't give everything away without an explanation." Well. The logic was sound-ish. . . in a Tsuzuki-ish fashion.  
  
"What about Suzaku? She would have lied for you AND taken care of the boy." Suggested Watari.  
  
"But she's one of them."  
  
"???"  
  
"A female. Didn't you notice? ALL of the goddesses were female. She might have told."  
  
There was a certain amount of logic there. All the goddesses were female, it was the primary reason there were so few females in Meifu. Even Watari said he didn't understand why, so Tsuzuki hadn't dedicated too many braincells to it either.  
  
"Tsuzuki." Sweatdrop. "Did you make that up to justify randomly selecting Touda to baby-sit?"  
  
"If I answer 'yes' will you be angry?" Asked puppy giving a sigh of relief when Watari didn't yell at him again. "So what should I do about it?" He asked innocently. 


	5. 5

Damn Watariiiii!  
  
Tears threatening to spill, Tsuzuki started going through another school brochure. This wasn't exactly the brilliant solution he had in mind. Sigh. Tsuzuki thought Watari had been unnecessarily harsh comparing Hisoka to the myriad of Furby's Tsuzuki had killed in the past. This was hardly the same thing (and it wasn't like he was going to make the mistake of trying to charge batteries in the toaster a fifth time)!  
  
"Soooo expensivvvvve. . . " Maybe Kimura could keep him on weekends so Tsuzuki didn't have to pay boarding fees. . . ? After all, it was his fault Tsuzuki missed out on the bonus on the last job . . . sort of . . .  
  
"What is expensive, Tsuzuki-san?" Asked Tatsumi from the entrance, where he had manifested mere microseconds after the word 'expense' left Tsuzuki's lips. This caused Tsuzuki to 'meep' and hide whatever he was looking at in a far too suspicious way for Tatsumi to be comfortable about.  
  
"Nothing."  
  
Naturally JouOhCho made no allowance for dependants to their employees (since they weren't really allowed and all). Tsuzuki scowled. If it wasn't for Tatsumi continuously docking his pay for 'destruction of property' and 'damage control' and the like . . . why, it was enough to make a man want to blow up another library.  
  
Tsuzuki still wasn't entirely convinced Hisoka couldn't sleep in an empty drawer and live off bread crusts, but Watari had been rather adamant on the subject.  
  
Well. If he had to be responsible for a kid, at least this one seemed to be fairly well behaved. Of course he could be mistaken, its not like the kid had done much except sleep since he . . . was acquired. He could be a brat! A complete brat! A money-siphoning complete brat! And Tsuzuki would never have money for sweets again!  
  
Tatsumi looked on, slightly concerned, as Tsuzuki seemed to be having convulsions on his desk.  
  
. . . And Tsuzuki screamed.  
  
**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~~~*  
  
Yep. It WAS the DIET building all right.  
  
A scream to his right alerted Hisoka's attention to one particular office where the purple eyed guy had some other guy in a headlock and was frantically gesturing . . . come here?  
  
Okay. It wasn't like he had anything better to do.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Noooooo! It was true! He was a complete brat! Tsuzuki was horrified to see Hisoka coming towards the window rather than hiding as he had indicated. Tatsumi meanwhile seemed to be getting upset. Or at least that was the gist of it since it was hard for someone to really express their feelings when their head is held forcefully into your armpit.  
  
Tatsumi was actually . . . pleasantly surprised to be in such close quarters with Tsuzuki - however his sense of monetary conservation (possibly aided by a combination of Tsuzuki's cheap cologne and penchant that clothes only needed washing every other week) eventually took over and he strained his way free of the 'embrace'.  
  
"Tsu. . . Tsuzuki-san. . . " He panted as he tried to regain both dignity and a blood-oxygen level suitable for 'living'. 'Living' of course being a relative term, but do we really need to bring that up EVERYtime?  
  
"Haaaaai." Drawled Tsuzuki, holding tight onto Tatsumi's ears to keep his face forward and eye's turned away from the window.  
  
"What . . . are you doing?"  
  
"Did you have a haircut?"  
  
"Huh?" Replied Tatsumi, momentarily distracted.  
  
"Your hair looks different. Are you using a different shampoo?" Leaning forward under the pretense of smelling Tatsumi's hair, Tsuzuki gesticulated wildly. This time Hisoka seemed to get the idea and ducked out of sight. Tatsumi by this time was turning extremely red, a rather un-Tatsumi shade to be (although he could pull it off since it didn't clash too terribly with his basic brown suit).  
  
"Well. I did comb it slightly diff . . . Tsuzuki are you trying to change the subject?"  
  
"Tatsummmmmiiiii! Why does everything I say have to be some kind of diversion? It's not like I have anything to hide! Why do you always think the worst of me?" Tsuzuki whined, forcing tears.  
  
"Tsuzuki-san! I didn't mean to imply. . . "  
  
"Tatsumi hates me!" Declared Inu-Tsuzuki sobbing into balled fists.  
  
"I . . . I . . ." Tatsumi chose to flee to the staff room at this point to see it there was anything sugar based that could be used to bribe himself out of this situation. Tsuzuki, figuring he wouldn't be back for a while since he'd have to teleport to Chijou (having personal knowledge that 'someone' had already eaten all the sweets that morning) sauntered over to the window to let in his ward.  
  
"'Soka-chan!" Tsuzuki glanced nervously out the window to make sure no one was watching before dragging the boy through. "Is Touda with you?"  
  
Touda had agreed to look after the boy in exchange for a years subscription to Asuka (which Tsuzuki had planned to steal from Watari), Tsuzuki's new sunglasses and use of his apartment on the 3rd Saturday of every month (which Tsuzuki had thought wasn't much of a concession at the time but now found really disturbing). Tsuzuki was overjoyed to realize he wouldn't have to go through with the arrangement since, technically, Touda hadn't kept his end, and it was only with slight annoyance he realized he'd probably never see his sun glasses again (Ayako said they made him look like Yakuza anyway).  
  
With a speed and efficiency that Hisoka found distressing, Tsuzuki stripped Hisoka of his pajamas and dressed him in one of the spare suits he kept in his office (shinigami, it seemed, were subject to frequently having their clothes stripped form their bodies, as Tsuzuki had never thought to ask his colleagues, he presumed it to be the norm). Hmm. He did look a little like Kimura. . . maybe if he could dye his hair black . . . that and Kimura wasn't all red in the face. . .  
  
"Soka? Are you feeling okay? Do you have a fever?" No! It was the furby all over! He had to get Watari!  
  
"No!" Squeaked Hisoka. "I'm fine."  
  
Which was rather a surprise, since Tsuzuki had responded in a rather more enraged manner when addressing anyone who had kidnapped him in the past (especially after they'd just stripped him down). Not to mention a good deal of cursing. But then it'd never been effective either.  
  
"Sooo . . . I suppose you'd like. . . some kind of an explanation?" 


	6. inevitable filler

[Chijou]:  
  
Tatsumi sneezed. Being a naturally suspicious man one might expect him to wonder if someone, somewhere, was talking about him.  
  
However, being as he was, in the toiletry section of the supermarket, trying to determine the difference between deodorant and anti-perspirant, he didn't really notice. Or rather presumed it was a slight intolerance for the last one he'd smelt. To be on the safe side, he forsook the cheaper brand for the hypoallergenic.  
  
An extremely out of character decision perhaps, but after all, one could never be sure when they might find themselves in THAT position again.  
  
[Meifu]  
  
"So you see, it was all a terrible, terrible mistake for which I cannot be personally held responsible." Tsuzuki finished with a flourish. Strangely enough, Hisoka looked unmoved. That was happening a lot lately. Tsuzuki experimentally waved a hand in front of the blondes' eyes, but still got no response.  
  
Oh wait, there was something after all. Ooh. That twitchy thing on 'Soka's head looked painful. Just Like Tatsumi right before he got a 'headache'. Puppy whimpered while scurrying around to put away the props from his 'explanation'.  
  
"So I really do get a wish?" Managed Hisoka finally.  
  
"Saa . . . well not exactly . . . you used your wish last night . . ."  
  
"What'd I wish for?" If Tsuzuki had looked uncomfortable before, he was now downright mortified. But then everyone was mortified when they were dead, so perhaps that wasn't the best expression.  
  
"I dunno." He squeaked.  
  
"Which is exactly what we need to figure out." Remarked Watari dumping a number of papers on the desk. The papers mostly contained rough sketches of various members of the division with breasts, but Hisoka wasn't to know that, so it looked like at least someone was working on what had happened.  
  
Actually, Watari was extremely concerned when it came to the exact wording of the wish. The nature of a wish, was that it did everything it could to make itself real. This was why so much selection went into choosing recipients and then their wish was made with careful consideration. It wasn't usual for an untrained goddess (or otherwise) to just barge onto the scene and ask them to spit it out. Now it was a fight for survival, and ultimately, if the wish believed having Tsuzuki and Hisoka know its nature would in any way endanger its existence, it would have no compunctions in removing their memories.  
  
. . . of course it could just be the wish wasn't malevolent, the boy was in shock and. . . well Tsuzuki wasn't known for his fantastic attention span to begin with.  
  
'His fault.' Mouthed Tsuzuki behind Watari's back.  
  
Hmm. Organized help. Profusely sweating man. Was there really a decision to make?  
  
"Has he told you its all my fault yet?" Asked Watari, non-plussed.  
  
"Well it is!" Squealed Tsuzuki indignantly. Before crawling under the desk to sulk.  
  
"Bon," Hisoka bristled slightly at the name, "GRO have their own problems at the moment and can't help. Until they can you're going to have to remain with us. If we can work out what the wish was, it'll help, but otherwise . . ."  
  
"What sort of problems do goddesses have?" Asked Hisoka curiously.  
  
"Bunny's." Watari fobbed off the question with a flick of the wrist. "Big ones."  
  
"So everything's okay? It's okay for him to stay here?" Chirped Tsuzuki from under the table. Hisoka too was genuinely relieved about not having to go back home.  
  
"Er . . . not exactly . . . "  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Why do I have to stay too?" Pouted Tsuzuki. Not fair. What was the big deal about keeping the living things out of Meifu anyway?  
  
"Because it's your contract Tsuzuki." Explained Watari for the billionth time. "You have to be at least on the same plane of existence until it's either negated or granted." He rolled his eyes for Hisoka's benefit.  
  
"I saw that." Muttered Tsuzuki darkly.  
  
"It's the best we can do . . . unless you think Tatsumi would be willing . . . ." Tsuzuki glared. He'd already gotten into enough trouble with the secretary for bringing living things home. Tatsumi had promised if Tsuzuki bought just one more living thing home he'd have him working night and day, at his desk for the rest of his [after]life. It was this very statement in fact, that had prompted Tsuzuki's furby fetish, but that's another story. "Speaking of which, he'll probably be around later with your case files as well so make sure Bon is out of sight and. . . ."  
  
"I still have to work?!?!?" Exclaimed Tsuzuki in horror.  
  
Watari just raised a brow. Of course if he weren't working Tatsumi would be suspicious (which was irrelevant really, since Tatsumi seemed to be suspicious when he did work too. . . a lost cause).  
  
"Yes sir." Grumbled Tsuzuki. "Is there anything else?"  
  
"Well actually . . . "  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Ohayo Tatsumi." Tsuzuki lost his petulant look when he noticed Tatsumi held a grocery bag in addition to the case files. He pawed it expectantly until Tatsumi handed it over for him to go through as he knew he would be distracted (and possibly bitten) if he didn't. To his dismay (but not against his expectations) Tsuzuki looked at the deodorant with a little curiosity before tossing it aside disdainfully when he realized it was inedible. Settling on a candy bar instead he returned his attention to Tatsumi.  
  
"Ohayo." Muttered Tsuzuki around a mouthful of gooey, caramelly, peanuty goodness.  
  
"Er . . . any idea when you'll be returning to Meifu, Tsuzuki-san." Continued Tatsumi with what may have been a slight cough. Yes. It may have been a cough. Tatsumi may have a dry throat.  
  
. . . or there was the distinct possibility he could be stifling a giggle. Apparently Watari's gender changing potion was a little on the unstable side, and Tsuzuki might be stuck as a woman for a while. This situation, combined with a recent rise in death threats from Terazuma (something about lunches), had prompted Tsuzuki to relocate to Chijou.  
  
"When I feel like it." Grumbled Tsuzuki.  
  
"It's really not that bad. . . " Tried Tatsumi, who had been rather miffed to find Tsuzuki gone when he'd returned from shopping earlier. However, Tatsumi was of the opinion Tsuzuki really couldn't support himself financially on Chijou for more than a week anyway (even with Watari's help), decided waiting out Tsuzuki's self imposed exile, rather than forcing him to return to Meifu, was the better option.  
  
Tsuzuki whimpered. It was actually a scowl, but who could scowl with such chocolatey perfection in their hands?  
  
"I'm sure it'll wear off shortly." Murmured Tatsumi. "Er. . . anyway, this case is rather straight forward, poe sightings, probably just kids playing pranks but we have a few open files so it wouldn't hurt to check it out. Elder Gush . . ."  
  
"No!" Interrupted Tsuzuki. "No one can know my secret shame!" He sobbed dramatically into his sleeve.  
  
"Alright.": Managed Tatsumi, twitching slightly. "Watari will accompany you. . . ?" Puppy nodded happily. "Otherwise I need you to look at some files for your next case and . . ." Was there really any point in continuing? Tsuzuki had the files, whether he read them or not was anyone's guess, and frankly anyone's guess would be 'no'. "Please try to read the files Tsuzuki-san."  
  
"Sankyuu Tatsumi!" Cheered Tsuzuki licking the last of the chocolate off his hands. The fact Tatsumi knew Tsuzuki had been thanking him for the chocolate rather than the debriefing (gotta love that word) was not lost on him, rather ignored because at least Tsuzuki was smiling.  
  
Tsuzuki, observing Tatsumi with a rather curious expression staring at his chest did what came natural.  
  
Panicked.  
  
This was quickly converted to terror, which ultimately activated the fight or flight mechanism (alas flight won (as it often did) so there was no make- out session). Thanking the secretary profusely, Tsuzuki showed him the door.  
  
Making sure Tatsumi was indeed gone, Tsuzuki went to release Hisoka from the wardrobe (really he complained a lot but he should be used to it by now). In disgust, he divested himself of a particularly lacy bra (which he really didn't have the heart (or should that be stomach?) to ask Watari whence he had acquired), and two oranges.  
  
So he needed an excuse to be living on Chijou and so Watari needed time to make more of the gender-changing stuff - it was still the more dignified approach to the situation compared to stuffing a bra with citrus . . . and he couldn't believe he had even thought that for a second.  
  
Biting into an orange, he offered the other to Hisoka, who flatly refused. 


End file.
